Tennessee, I love you: The Loveless Cafe

I just got back from the US and I have fallen right into the post holiday blues. I miss Tennessee so much. I miss the long, hot summer days. I miss the southern charm and that fact that being from New Zealand makes you really exotic in that part of the world. I miss hearing country music everywhere you go. I miss drinking sweet tea constantly. I just miss it all.

One of my favourite parts of my trip was when we had a free afternoon we decided to go to The Loveless Cafe. The Loveless has been running for over 60 years and it one of the most famous restaurants in Tennessee. Serving delicious southern food to more than 450,000 guests a year.

Coming back to work was a bit depressing I must admit but I was really excited when I saw we had the dessert cookbook from the Loveless! I never actually got to have any of the desserts from the Loveless as I was too full of chicken and biscuits so I can't wait to try some of these out!

"This long-awaited cookbook offers recipes for all of the famous cakes, pies, puddings and crisps that the Loveless Cafe serves daily to throngs of hungry diners. The recipes highlight traditional Southern flavours such as peaches, pecans, bourbon, buttermilk, and sorghum. Including fruit, nut, and custard pies, layer and pound cakes, cheesecakes, pudding, bars, and cookies, the recipes are easy to follow, but the updated flavour combinations make them suitable for even more experienced bakers. Derived from southern traditions, the recipes come with interesting stories, which are conveyed in chapter introductions and recipe head notes. Essays extolling the virtues of Southern ingredients and food customs are scattered throughout the book. The down-to-earth charm of the Loveless Cafe is reflected in the full-colour photos and the design of the book."

Love to hate

I can be pretty judgemental. In fact, what I think are well-phrased arguments delivered in a persuasive manner can sound, to some people, like the pronouncements of God, or Simon Cowell. It's not until I notice them cowering in a corner with their eyes darting all over the place that I realise I've frightened them off - yet again. Whoops.

I still get incredibly hurt when friends say "But you don't like anything". It makes me sound like Bitchelinda de Curdlemilk-Snottington. There are many things I love. Beyond reason. I just - know when I don't.

So this week I'm unmuzzling my inner critic. Celebrating my darkest disdainianism. Pooh-poohing till it's positively unsanitary.

Step in, if you dare, to Scriven's Gallery of Horrors. Feel free to request any of the titles on this list, by the way - it's only my opinion.

James Patterson - Any title
Poor guy. He gets a bad rap from critics, he really does. And it's wholly undeserved. Fact is, he doesn't even write most of his stuff anymore. I think a computer programme does it through algorithms or something of that nature. Or possibly they've finally trained gibbons to type. That would explain the short chapters. There are only so many words in their vocabulary.

In three words: Kill Alex Cross.

Dan Brown - Any title
Yeah, well, so, I'm picking on the easy targets. Anyway, there's nothing I could possibly write that 1,000,023 other critics haven't already spewed out. I confess, I did enjoy The Da Vinci Code, which was a fine, suspension-of-disbelief thrill ride. Then everyone else started raving and it totally lost its appeal. Come on, guys, even I got the mirror writing before Robert I'm-supposed-to-have-a-doctorate-in-this Langdon. So did my dog. It's not Pride and Prejudice.

Lee Child - Any title
Meh.

Now that's spare storytelling.

Titanic - James Cameron
I remember seeing the trailer for this movie and snorting "Who's going to want to see that crap?" That year I realised why everyone bullied me.

But the rest of the world is wrong. You're all wrong.

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Trilogy
I don't hate The Hobbit. I don't even dislike it. It makes the list, however, because I find it totally overrated. As a children's story, which it is, it's just OK. As a seminal work of inspiration to generations of hippies - wtf? It gets brownie points for being first among fantasies, but that's all. To me it's just a pleasant, slight bunch of episodes about a hairy little humanoid - and the movie is even more episodic. Three films? I nearly fell off my chair.

But I repeat - Martin Freeman can do no wrong. Ever.

Bones - TV series
I found this sort of thing funny when I was 14. Not!

Glee - TV series
What's all the song and dance about? Aaaand that was about as funny as the show. Like, eww?

Elementary - TV series
They put that up against the BBC version? It's like watching West Auckland FC playing Brazil...Wearing flippers.

Gone Girl - Gillian Flynn
Nasty screwed-up people trying to screw each other up even more. Nope.

Miranda - TV series
Haha. Nope. Or Is It Just Me?

The Simpsons - TV series
I used to love The Simpsons. It was the cleverest, funniest thing on TV for a long time. A long time ago. Now it's a positive telezombie. Retire it before the torches come out.

I could not possibly comment on Game of Thrones because I just can't bring myself to watch it. So, does anyone out there agree with me? What do you love to hate?